Mr. Bill and Miz Mona

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Thirty-one years

Miss Mona sez-

Marriage is an interesting situation. Brings out the best and the worst in people, in my opinion. Starts out all kissy kissy and too often ends up in mutual misery.

The thing I find interesting is that there is no real difference between the success/failure rate of the marriages Christians and non-Christians. I mean, Christianity is all about "Love one another as I have loved you." Anyway, that is the impression I have received. 

What is up with that?

On July 11th, Bill and I arrived at 31 years of marriage. Not bad considering that he is my second and I am his fourth. We will not address the non-marital relationships we have both had which were both many and varied- that is another topic. Let it suffice to say that we both took a pretty comprehensive survey of the available choices prior to saying our vows to each other. We both had a damn' good idea of how to ruin a relationship when we got together and we made a commitment not to let it happen again.

Still, we probably wouldn't have had a snowball's chance in hell of success if it had not been for our Secret Weapon, God. Yup, God. See,marriage is something He created as a blessing to us. And He is a part of every marriage but only if you invite His involvement.  We did. Not at first, mind you. He was married to another woman when we became, to put it politely, involved. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. He was an adulterer and had serious rage issues. So did I. He was a Mormon and I was a confused recommitted Christian. We both had kids. We were in the Air Force and worked together (he outranked me).
We did not have a clue how to live in a healthy relationship and really didn't know anyone who did. He came from a single-parent home in LA, I came from a codependent family with 9 kids in rural Oregon. I could go on listing the circumstances that were against us, but you get the general idea, right?

So, blithely ignorant that the cards were stacked against us, we got married in the Fairbanks courthouse the day his divorce was final. Borrowed $200 from a friend at work because, of course, we had no money, and had a reception in the breakroom at work. Took a weekend off and had our honeymoon at home in the cabin we rented in North Pole (of course we were already living together, we didn't know any better).

And the fun began....

He was a chauvinist and I was a feminist. He was controlling and I was independent. I was a drunk and a dope smoker and he was a recovered user. I was a cat person, he loathed cats. So many, many things that could have become destructive and horrible. But we persevered. We learned to give as well as take. We learned to forgive. He helped me kick the booze and drugs, I helped him face his rage and pain from Viet Nam. He got me a kitten and I learned to let him be the head of our household. And so on.

We got out of the Air Force and he went to work as a civilian cop. He gave his life to the Lord. We had three more kids together and went thru some pretty hairy trials and tribulations. We continued to learn and grow and get healed of all the hurts we had received.

Here we are, thirty-one years later.

He is my best friend and I am his. We chose to lean together when the problems tried to separate us and we are more in love now than we were back at the beginning. Back then it was a passion based on emotions that had no real foundation. thru the years we have built a foundation of commitment and trust to hold up that passion. Storms have tried to destroy us but God has taught us how to stand against those storms.

God is faithful and just to forgive us and teach us how to forgive. He has changed our hearts thru healing and helped us to choose each other over all other relationships. He has taught us and we have chosen to learn and be transformed. It has not been easy, but it has been worth the trouble.

Loving you-

1 comment:

  1. Hi Loved reading this. Leo and I are about to pass through the 51st Anniversary. Interesting that all that has passed has not seperated us.
    Choice is really all we have in this life. We choose oneanother and have kept doing that even though at times it would have felt easier to stop choosing.
    Love you