Armpit News Alert 10.4.2010

Reporter Bob here with his very large fury so-called friends, Steve and Greg. Both of which are at this moment lounging about my living room, (having broken my couch and now stuck with the floor), coughing up stinky fur balls the size of softballs, while listening to some of my old 1970's soft rock music hits. They have this strange fascination with vintage love songs. But Greg, who likes to dance a lot to late-1970's Disco, all too often knocks my dishes out of the cupboard, sends my velvet paintings crashing to the floor, ( he's already destroyed my favorite Elvis painting), and occasionally, he even stomps on my poor foot- if I'm not fast enough to get out of his way. I've already gone to the clinic once for a sore foot, but they laugh at me when I try to explain what had happened. It now seems that having these two Lepus-cuniculus fur balls around is now challenging my reputation as a truthful and completely factual reporter- not that they care....never mind! Let's go to the news.

It's been a busy week here in the New Republic. Population has nearly doubled as Empire citizens flee the High Muckedey-Muck's heavy handed dictatorship and the Grand Shaman's evil reign of terror.

The Empire has formally adopted the Aztecian sun worshiper's religion and the Grand Shaman was appointed head of the newly formed Empire Church of the Sun. Parrot feather seem to be in short supply, so chicken feathers are now being dyed purple, red and blue and used in place of the rare South and Central American parrot feathers, (existing parrot feather being saved for the higher church officers).

The new DMZ between the Empire and the New Republic is a one-mile wide marsh and empty valley, with the single highway secured on both sides by concrete bunkers, entry-control guard-posts and miles of razor wire and landmines. (with the occasional lemonade and hot dog stand operated by New Republic Girl Scouts & Junior Explosive Ordinance Disposal Cadets- chaperoned of course).

The High Muckedey-Muck has ordered the seizure of all television and radio stations in the Empire, but the South Central News Agency & Doughnut Distribution Company has heard word from at least two underground news stations and a pirate radio station being operated under the skinhead's headquarters.

These underground agencies have reported how armed Aztecian troops have been brought in from Central America by the planeloads and are being used to replace those military men and women who have escaped to the New Republic. Public school and colleges have been placed under the Grand Shaman's control- teachers and professors sent to re-education camps for a three-week course on understanding the new regime and their policies. All private schools have been closed, those teachers sent to dig trenches along the border or pick blueberries along the mountainsides. Scores of men and women have been reported missing and now presumed prisoners of the Grand Shaman, lambs to be used for sacrifice to the Empire's sun god. Fortunately, the fall storms have kept the sun from view and all sacrifices are on hold.

There has been sporadic fire between the two armies at several points along the border, but as of yet no report of injuries. Apparently the Aztecians warriors are not all the good of shot with their modern weapons, and their spears and arrows seem to be unable to make it across the border's new no man's land.

NEWS BREAK: The Aztecian Shaman, ( lesser in grade to the Grand Shaman, but still a devoted follower to the sun god he worships and until capture had been working on his merit badges) is very depressed by the fall storms- not to mention his all right fear of seeing snow on the mountain tops and not having any snow shoes or boots). He has been found guilty of terrorism, along with his surviving followers, (strange how their numbers have decreased while being held in the ARMPIT jail and my two fury buddies seem to be eating less doughnuts over the last few days), have been assigned the somewhat dangerous job of keeping Orkie fed and happy. The temporary judge, former Investigator James, advised the Shaman he was in his god's hands now and it would be up to him or her as to whether the Shaman would survive his labors. There would be no appeal and the Shaman was last seen shoving his followers in front of him as they approached the dock.

As to Orkie, he has proven to get a little excited at feeding time, some of the docking timber is now missing, and the current volunteers are more than happy to be replaced by the sentenced criminals.

In a startling discovery, I answered my door to find Old Saddy standing there with an armload of doughnut boxes. I of course allowed her to come in and when she did enter, she promptly dropped the boxes on Steve's lap and commenced to enter into a conversation with both bunnies. Afterward, she said goodbye and left me standing there awestruck as Steve and Greg selected their favorite doughnut, and chowed down. Apparently, Old Saddy can see and talk with my friends and I"m left wondering if it someway had something to do with a doughnut connection- some kind of Vulcan mind thing.

Now all of you don't forget tonight's ARMPIT rally as the new moose mounts and their riders are introduced to the community. ARMPIT is on alert for insurgents who might want to disrupt the meeting and anti-peanut butter bomb dog sniffers will be in attendance. Following the introduction there is a beanie and weenie eating contest, followed by loudest and creative fart and then best armpit-slapping music melody making competition. A square dance will follow with former Investigator Loyal Sidekick-Jeremy as caller. Don't miss it.

Turning to a somewhat somber note, make sure all of you know where your bomb shelters are in the event the Empire attacks. All military members will report immediately to their duty stations, but civilians will be directed to their assigned fall out shelters.

We're fighting for our independence, people and everyone of you is important! We will have our own ideas and choices about health care, education and who we will worship. We will not see our country collapsed by multi-billion dollar bailouts and gross recession because of misuse of funds by the executive branch... I could go on, but I must now turn to our station advertisement- bills have to be paid.

Now for the best in culinary treats, drive down to the Moose Pass Drive-In and Cafe. Sit in your car while beautiful young ladies on roller-skates bring your lip-sucking and mouth-drooling dinner-spread right to your vehicle at no extra cost. Dine on one of our roadkill specials, flavored in secret sauces created by Old Saddy herself. Dinner hours run between 4 pm to 9 pm, but the after hour specials can still elevate your pallet to a new level and each special comes with a freshly made chocolate doughnut. See you there!

Back to the news-

Gripe Blog 10.1.10

This is the first in a weekly Friday Night Moose Pass Journal Editorial outlet, which I refer to as my Gripe Page. This is my e-mail and I can do that, but of course the Feds may already be monitoring me and actually, I do not really care. It's that Tree of Liberty thing.

Gripe 1: It just makes me mad how we've allowed the elected officials of our respective government offices to forget who elected them and more importantly, who these people serve. It isn't you or me...No, it's us! Once elected into office, that person takes an oath to serve all the people- whether this is city, county or state, or federal governments. I even took an oath as a police officer for every city I worked for. But over the years, we've allowed our elected officials to violate this oath and, for some reason that escapes me, we've turned a blind eye to it. We elect a president, republican or democrat, and his job is to represent all of us as Americans.

Yet, though we are adults and mostly all of us taxpayers, we allow this president, ( not just the current one), to use said tax funds to travel about the country at great expense,(plane costs, food and hotels, not to mention all the security personnel involved), to campaign solely for those people of his political party! Our taxes are helping a party we may not belong to and possibly against the very person(s) we may want elected, and we flip the bill for this. Why do we allow this to happen? Why isn't some Bernstein and the other guy doing a Watergate style investigation on this. I mean we're paying for the president's time and travel to do this, to use his political pull to campaign against a man or women we may want elected. How is this rational. In the civilian and non-political world this could be cited as fraud for misuse of company funds.

Gripe # 2: On another front- I once served my country in a time of war, like many of you and carry the scars, both inner and outer for it. And I'm proud to be called a veteran. But as a veteran, how can we allow this illegal and more often than not, hostile actions to continual along our own border? We've sent rockets over the border in to Pakistan to kill insurgents and I'd say we most likely have CIA/Special Op teams working in Pakistan also to route out those same insurgents. But right now we have thousands of illegal immigrants entering our borders through California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas. Hundreds of these people are carrying weapons and drugs and at some point their numbers could very well tip the scales against us if wide spread domestic terrorism breaks out. Remember the movie "Red Dawn", how the Hispanic armies came across the border and caught us sleeping. How many drug cartel soldiers have already crossed and what is their real agenda? Is it dope sales or something even more diabolical? How many of these same criminal does it take to kidnap our various leaders or threaten to harm the families of local and state politicians to sway their votes. Remember when it happened in 1934 Nazi Germany or 1963 Viet Nam, when the enemy began terrorizing the leaders with threats of harm to their families. Soon after, the actual harm came. For Germany it was called the Night of the Long Knives, when over 3,000 of Hitler's enemies were killed off and in Viet Nam similar action was carried out by the Viet Cong. How many well-armed and well-equipped soldiers does it take to make an army? To seize an airport? And we are allowing thousands to cross and this is being caught on film every day and the government can only act by wanting to sue Arizona for doing its job.

We continue to fight a major war in the big sandbox over there, causing so many of our troops to serve two and three tours in combat. But just like our 10-year war in Viet Nam, we are fighting it in limited fashion and once we pull out- what have we truly gained. Iran is ready to move in on Iraq and in fact has already accomplished small-scale raids into Iraq. A lot of lives lost, men and women wounded and how did it benefit America? Sure we may have some oil, but for how long since it is our enemies who control the oil. Now I'm not against the war over there, but I'm too old to be one of the men serving there and it should be the young fighters who have more of a say in this. But I strongly feel we should learn from our own history and fight this war as a war and not repeat the same mistakes we made with Viet Nam.  Politicians love to say we won the war in Viet Nam, but the men and women who fought there know better.

As most of you know, you've heard my boring stories often enough, I was part of the roll-up force for the closure of Danang AFB, South Viet Nam in 1973. Danang was a major Air Force, Army, Navy and even a Coast Guard installation, located 80-miles  south of North Viet Nam. Well, once we signed the Paris Peace Treaty, ending our participation in the war, we prepared to pull out. BUT the South Vietnamese were still fighting for their lives and we were no longer helping them. I was on the very last plane to leave Danang and was subjected to the very worst experience of my life up to that time, but still one of the worst to this day. As we, all 29 of us, stripped of all our weapons ( but some hidden knives), were allowed to board the C-130 cargo craft for the flight to Udorn, Thailand, (200) of our former enemy, standing in two formations, one on each side of us, was on hand to see us off. US aircraft had flown these 200 North Vietnamese soldiers, under the command of a 4-star North Vietnamese general, down to Danang to supervise our departure and he was actually counting our noses as we boarded the plane. Now does this sound like we won anything or were we retreating with our tails between our legs because of political pressure brought about by the enemy's propaganda machine back in the states?

 Much like in the 1960's, our great country is beginning to fall apart and mostly from within.  Only today in the news, I read of how a husband and wife were boating on a lake shared by Mexico and Texas. Now maybe these boaters didn't have all the brains in the world and got too close to Mexico so they could photograph the beautiful Mexican shoreline, but they sure didn't deserve the reception they received from the Mexican Tourism Office. Two boats, each manned with 3 gun toting bandits, all suspected drug cartel, came out to greet them and began shooting. The husband was shot in the head, he fell out of the boat and is presumed dead. The wife, who tried to pull her man back into the boat, was forced to retreat under a hail of fire. When asked what our federal government was going to do about it, she was informed that politicians would talk to their politicians and see if the man's body could be found and returned. No mention of going after the bandits was made by our side, and this is probably because the cartels either own most of the politicians in Mexico are have threatened so many into constant fear of losing their families our side knows they will fail to act.

No, I think it is time we pull some of our people home from the war zone and use these highly trained combat veterans and our advanced equipment to clean out a 100-mile safe zone between Mexico and the US Border. 50-miles on each side of the line because the cartels are already patrolling parts of the US side. Mexico is afraid to act and we either take the offensive or we will lose our lands, our people and our way of life for sitting on our thumbs.

There used to be a federal mandate, quite old I'm sure, which allowed us to enter Mexico when our border became threatened. We used this to go after warring Apaches and even after Pancho Villa, when his army attacked a Texas town and robbed the bank. Eventually, we entered Mexico in force and routed out all the bandits and evil elements, before handing the then safe border land back over to Mexican authorities.

We either act, or we lose. We can play our game boys, text our buddies and watch our movies, but unless we stop the invasion of the US, we will not win and we have so much to lose.  But as I said before, I'm too old to fight now in such a war, but I will always keep my weapons ready for the time when our Freedom bell is tossed to the ground and all of our American flags are either stomped on burned.

That's it for this Friday. Thanks for reading. BILL

Moose Pass Journal family news update 10.1.2010

We just got back from the ER with Grandma and drove home through a torrential rain storm. Jeremy and I spent the day in Soldotna and came home to find that Mom wanted to take Grandma Lee to the ER, because she was worried about swelling in her legs. Doctors examined her and suspect possibility of a blood clot in her leg, but we couldn't get a ultrasound until Monday. Because oral medicine for the clot was available, we thought it better to bring Grandma home rather than keep her in Seward for the weekend. Medicine will keep the clot from creating problems, but on Monday we will find out if something else needs to be done. We are keeping invasive procedures at a minimum because Grandma doesn't want to be messed with this late in the game, but we also do not want to see her suffer. So we will medicate her here at home and keep her comfortable and see what Monday brings. She's not the most patient of patients and most of the time she is in another world all together. She usually knows us best in the morning hours. They have a term, "Sundowner", which means that something happens in the afternoon hours that heightens the dementia and they are unable to explain how or why this happens.

All for now. Love, DAD

Armpit News Alert 10.1.2010

Reporter Bob here to share with you the newest news in the New Republic, to entertain and please your pleasure pallet and bring you up to date with the world around you. ( Boy, what an ugly mouthful and you should know I hold Editor Sam completely responsible for this idiotic phrase- he's trying some new things to increase our reader volume- so do not throw rocks at me when you see me on the street or have them take away my doughnut allowance. I'm only surviving on my one free doughnut as all my funds go toward feeding Steve and his rather healthy diet of doughnuts, any veggies and See's chocolates).

Early this morning Acting Governor Bill has nominated several men and women to the position of Republic Senator and Representative. He has also put forward nominees for New Republic judges and magistrates for the future Senate and House of Representatives to peruse for selection. Elections have been set by the temporary and acting policy board, selected by the citizens from Militia and various citizen fraternal committees(Moose Club, Elks, Legion of Heroes and such). Date for the election is November 3rd, to correspond with the Empire general election, (if the High Muckedey-Muck backs off on his current dictatorship actions and allows the election to even take place).

In a surprising move, Acting Governor Bill, who is seeking election as the New Republic's first head statesman, selected Editor Sam for the position of Senator. He has also nominated Investigator/Security Agent James and Joshua for the positions of Republic Magistrates, ( these magistrate positions are also empowered with full law enforcement rights and duties, to work alongside with ARMPIT personnel, and under the leadership of the head judges).

Editor Sam accepted the nomination, but as of this hour there has been no word from Investigators James and Joshua, nor their loyal sidekick, Jeremy, who was also chosen as an Assistant Magistrate/coffee maker and run to Old Saddy's for today's doughnut and roadkill sandwich allotment, position.

On today's menu at Old Saddy's, ( yes- Editor Sam has me doing this too, but I have to eat), is roadkill porcupine-quill soup, rabbit burger (Steve is nit happy about this and is threatening to boycott Old Saddy's), and a blue berry tossed salad sweetened with Musk Ox sugar sweets ( don't ask- it's safer not to know).

Back to the REAL news, ARMPIT personnel report the arrest of three illegal immigrants at the northern border road shared with the Empire. Same identified as known skinheads, who had tried to sneak in with the crowds of people fleeing the Empire because of the High Muckedey-Mucks new laws, taxes and Aztecian/skin head warriors being allowed to violate the Empire's constitution under a so-called Public Spirit Act. Under this act, Empire soldiers and law enforcement officers, supported by Aztecian Warriors and Neo Nazi Skinheads, are illegally seizing private property, ( guns, ammo and knives, reloading equipment, bicycles, land and homes, animals- preferring sheep and goats, good looking daughters over the age of 16, all Bibles, any corvettes, Nestle's coco mix, puffed wheat, Beta-Max tapes, ruby slippers, cameras, computers and pencils).

These three skinheads, when searched, were proved to be carrying the needed ingredients for the making of the new fermented grape jelly nerve toxin. All three to be held until the new judges can be voted into place and a trial scheduled. As of yet, no one seems to want to defend them and a defense attorney will have to be assigned.

It was also learned that the Aztecian Grand Shaman, new arrival to the capital, has been named to the High Muckedey-Muck's cabinet as his new Chief of Staff. His first item on his agenda was to have all Christians rounded up, photographed- group shots allowed to save film, and put into work as trench diggers for the coming war. Prime, ( whatever that means), individuals will be held for future sacrifices.  Education camps to be set up for those Christians children under the age of 12 years old, where teachers will educate the children in the ways of the Aztecians and this was completely supported by the High Muckedey-Muck, who has added that all Christians will have the symbol of the cross stitched on their outer garments, adding all those of Jewish faith will have the Star of David placed on their out garments too.

In response to this dire news, an elderly church pastor by the name of Sid, has wandered into the limelight with accusations that the High Muckedey-Muck has proven himself to be the Anti-Christ and this Grand Shaman to be the Anti-Christ's evil sidekick identified in the Bible. Sid has further stated that the conduct of the the Aztecians and Neo-Nazi Skinheads, has proven the prophecy true of how all Christians would be persecuted unto death for their beliefs. Sid, who has a small following of 7-church members and two of them children, is now seeing a sudden burst of growth with over a thousand followers and his congregation is still growing. Sid has set up soup kitchens, food banks, aid stations and dog walking lots for the new arrivals from the Empire.

On a personal note, I came home from work last night to find that my buddy Steve had a house guest. Sitting on the floor, there wasn't a chair big enough, was a long haired dark brown 800-pound or better bunny by the name of Greg. I'd say his rear feet had to be a size 29 at least and he has deep blue eyes. I was to learn that Greg was Steve's big brother and he had come to find out why Steve had not returned home, ( I still don't know where Steve and now Greg are from). Greg has elected to stay to ensure his little brother is not being mistreated and he also has taken a dim view of this cafe serving roadkill bunny. Being that they were mostly speaking in bunny talk, I decided to go to bed. I didn't bother to lock the door as my house was now protected by two giant bunnies and both of them appear to have a fondness for Old Saddy's doughnuts- I gotta get a raise! 

All for now....